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Should You Have Sex with Your Ex?

myredshoediaries.com (Showtime.com)

Should You Have Sex with Your Ex?
By Jodie Gould

You go to your high school or college reunion and run smash-bang into your old sweetheart. You both look about the same, save for a few extra pounds or a little less hair. As you play catch-up, your heart starts beating a little faster. You discover that you are both still single.

Suddenly, years of emotional growth and sophistication melt away like ice under a heat lamp, and you find yourself behaving like a silly school kid again. Do you excuse yourself and run for the punch bowl, or do you wait to see what develops?

If you find yourself attracted to an old lover, you should approach the situation as if you are meeting for the first time. Take time to get reacquainted. Despite the history, you are not the same person you were before. Reverting to the way you used to be for the sake of rekindling a relationship is like living in the past.

On the other hand, if your ex appears to be the exact same person he or she was when you were dating, you will have the exact same problems you had years ago. People mature over time, but unless you knew each other when you were children, your essential personality (disposition, likes, dislikes, habits) have already been formed as a young adult.

Another roadblock to redating might occur if you had a bad breakup where one of you felt burned. In most cases, the one who felt like the victim won’t be up for a rematch. And, unless you’re a masochist, why would you want to go back with someone who hurt you? Instead of setting yourself up for more pain, make sure your ex knows how happy you’ve been since you’ve separated. A good thing to do if you were dumped, is thank your ex for letting you go and allowing you to meet all the wonderful people who have come into your life since.

And don’t be tempted to return to a relationship that was based purely on sex no matter how lonely or horny you may feel. Having a “for old times” sake fling will likely end in disappointment. Chances are your memories are far better than the sex actually was. Our minds have a way of filtering out the bad stuff and remembering only the good. Like a singer whose time on stage is up, it’s always better to leave on a high note.

As always, there are exceptions, such as the ex who has gone through some life-changing trauma or event. In this case, you may actually be able to ignite the old flame since it will be like dating someone completely new. Another exception is when you have remained friends with your ex. Although rare, it is possible to use a former lover as a sexual bridge between relationships. This is more difficult for women, of course, because we tend to become emotionally engaged whenever our clothes come off. But if you can handle having a bed-buddy, go for it!

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